Fear not.

“Your soul needs saving,” the man said.

The man had told him about all these aliens and how the government was hiding stuff from people, about how currently there was a massive alien ship above one of the poles and how everyone was a sleep to what’s really going on, all this happening according to this man.

He remembers how passionate the man sounded; the man’s face was drawn in with worry and the flat that the man occupied felt very lonely. The man made him promise that he would look up some information on the internet regarding it all.

 “I do not mean to be rude,” he said to the man looking around at the state of his accommodation. “But how has the truth benefited you.”

The man looked him in the eyes and said, “Because it’s the truth; the truth is beautiful and will set you free.” This was how the quest started...

A year or so later, he sat , frustrated, with his elbows on his knees, his head perched on his hands, thinking, massaging his temples. 

“What am I missing? What am I not seeing? I will not give up! I know I am close!”

Earlier that day he had spoke to a physic, it was said he was going to come into a great fortune - how though? They even said that he would be moving soon, as great as that sounded, he could not see that happening. As he sat there wandering about all the information he had taken in over the year, his head began to buzz, a loud plane simultaneously sounded flying low above his home, the music in the background come into ear shot, as if nothing else existed, the music spoke to him. He recognised the album; it was Gnarls Barkley – St. Elsewhere, he had downloaded in search for the song, ‘Crazy,’ a while back, one of his favourite songs, popular when he had met the love of his life.

The digital screen displayed – Track 10, who cares.  He stared at the screen and smiled at the titled, and then the words suddenly became relevant with his thoughts – everything became relevant.

Basically I'm complicated

I have a hard time taking the easy way

I wouldn't call it schizophrenia

But I'll be at least 2 people today

If that's okay

And I can go on and on and on... but who cares?

It's deep how you can be so shallow

And I'm afraid cause I have no fear

And I didn't believe in magic

Until I watched you disappear

“And I’m afraid cause I have no fear!” he repeated to himself. “That’s it! That is why I feel the way I do.”

He had done so much research and everything just raised more questions, with no absolute truth and the best way to approach most of it was to consider it all half truth, well at least that's what he thought.  All of this information had come from thought, so it had been created from something, there had to be some truth in it- Surely! He had concluded and based all his actions on this very fact, that everything was controlled by fear, and countless spiritual information researched had confirmed this, you know the people that give the impression that they know and that you do not know and to be patient and to face up to all your fears.

He’s head buzzed louder, and his heart began to palpitate.  His heart had been acting weird for a while. He then thought back at how his whole life had turned upside down, it was the day when he’d met that man. It was no good regretting looking this information up though, because it was in his nature, he had always been a very curious fellow. Curious was the friend that made him tick, that motivated him to move forward – that there was something to find. AS the lyrics connected to his mind, the ambience of the room darkened.

“And I’m afraid cause I have no fear!” he reminded.        

“I need to create a fear! I have no fear, so I need one. I need one that I can hit two birds with one stone, this will surely help me understand why so many people become so suppressed by this feeling of fear and then write about it and try help all of humanity from out of it.” He smiled as if onto a new breakthrough.

For a while now, he had written a lot of thoughts down, his thoughts had been rather rushed, very fast and hard to express in words – and writing was no strong point of his.  He, before this journey began was no literate – he was more of a calculated man, the fact that any equation only resulted with one answer was what he liked. English was different; two people could discuss a topic and have opposite opinions and both still be correct according to numerous language tutors and this made no sense.

His thoughts became rather strange, sometimes even conflicting, as if he was having a conversation with a separate quite self that had sprang to life by the very seed of wanting to create some fear.

“So if you are going to create fear, you need it to be purposeful!”

“I read that allot of places suggest that  the more you think about something, the more you will attract it.”

“You want money don’t you? Think about all the changes you can bring! Think about all those poor people you can help! That physic said you were going to come into great fortune! Maybe this is what you have to do, you know-to trigger this wealth off.”

He was excited pacing up and down the room – as if he had just plugged his mind into a massive matrix and an expensive package of intense thought had been purchased, a download of gold – his eyes warmed in their sockets, his backbone became light and now his was on his way to enlightenment – to truth, ironically the album had performed a full cycle and track 2 was now playing – Crazy.

Come on now, who do you, who do you, who do you, who do you think you are,

Ha ha ha bless your soul

You really think you're in control

Well, I think you're crazy

I think you're crazy

I think you're crazy

Just like me

“OK, I am to create the Fear of having too much money!”  He said out loud. “I think I understand – what I think about I attract – I suppose???”

After this intense download of thought stopped, it was as if he had just woken from a hypnotic trance. His head felt light, the ambience of the room lightened and eagerly awaited for a response.

“So let me get this right, I create a fear of having too much money and I have to write it in that exact way I just envisioned, and this will create fear within all the greedy! Everyone that reads it, but will only work on those that deserve it –  sound genius- of course – but wait….!!!?????”

He stroked his chin, as if about to make the biggest decision of his life- he had to consider that his life was great, why change it? Maybe this was the fear talking already, conflicting thoughts again - perhaps trying to convince him not to step one more step – not to be fooled…and then.

“Yes of course- I accept!” an impulse cry out with joy.

“Oh yes…I didn't think about that…erm…Yes sure makes sense.” He muttered. He was answering to the thoughts that followed, the ones that said

“Surely the one creating the fear, should experience it for themselves before creating for everyone else to experience.”

At that very thought of agreeing, a roaring silence popped his ear drums, a shivering whistle echoed out the window and clinched with a coincidental knock to the door that shock his body, like he had just awakened from a dream.

“WoooW what just happen – what did I just agree to…” terrifying thoughts of making some kind of pact gripped his body, “- shhh this is the fear- just love it- fear is just unknown love – the best way to defeat it is to shine love on it- stop panicking – it’s not like you just made a deal with the devil ….. ” a calm thought massaged his shoulders like a coach easing him into the ring.

Another knock sounded.

He opened the door; it was his love, the love of his life; the love that had brought balance to his reality when he was getting into all kind of mischief - 6 years ago.

His love looked as if under a kind of trance, possibly already drunk. His love was with company and brought a board game round. They sat around the table, rolled the dice and the game began.

“This is it, be loving.” He thought to himself as he peered into the entities that surrounded him. Maybe it was because they were all under the influence of the shots of spirits consumed prior to knocking - perhaps? or maybe it was his whole perception had changed – anyhow everything seemed different – like something had altered.

Any time he felt this fear knocking at his door, he focused on his love sitting right beside him.  The smile, the glow of happiness emanating from his loves aura. There was a thundering noise erupting upstairs, it was the children and they were doing a great job of making a lot of scary noises considering the moment – they were screaming.  Anyone would of thought there was some kind of slaughter happening the way they were acting.

“Just ignore it, it's you trying to lower your vibration, the mind playing tricks- that's all, they’re kids and just playing a game” he thought. “Stop reading into everything.”

He sat staring at his love, watching love struggling with the many questions being asked. He then thought that he could perhaps not show his love up by speaking out right, but just look at love and silently tell love the answer. It worked. Love was now getting the questions correct, though this seem to create a tense atmosphere, was his love here to help him through this period of fear or was he here to help his love through fear. He tried his best not to think too hard, and decided to channel all his thoughts into helping love to answer up, then love turned and said.

“Why don’t you go work your magic on the, kids.”

“WoW," he thought.  "Does my love know I am doing this."

He climbed the stairs. At the top was an angel, the unconditional love that any parent has. 

"When we close our eyes! she is dead!" all of the children said the same thing.

Was this a coincidence, had inviting this fear into his life affected everyone. His heart gave three elongated beats. Worry swept his body. He had to think fast, he had accepted to experience this - but he didn't know it would effect everyone and now he had to correct it. It was not fair that his children were suffering with horrible thoughts. Everything became very loud and he become  scared.

"What have I done?" he said. "Oh god, please help me, I never meant to hurt anyone"

Love and I

I am no shy when you caught the eye,

I see you that night with another,

I watched, I waited for the perfect time,

I knew you were the one I waited to discover

I suggested blue wicked thinking of funny price,

I split into you; one took over hogwash the other stuck in trice,

I done the start stop on how best to work the charm,

This was it my love written in palm,

I watch you laugh at me speak my drivel joke,

Yes a challenge; some friction and smoke,

Wow you were in a disguise and I a sex pest,

6 months later the pregnancy test,

Shock and horror a message from god,

I knew not know emotion so my back I created a rod,

I had to retreat and left as cold as ice,

Why us I say in anger, so I rolled the dice,

We were no more, because I walked, I chose the door.

Few time past and we bumped online

There’s that feeling again love is a swine

We agreed to meet and I wasted no dreading

Whilst in Cyprus you traded your dream for a cheap lousy wedding

You stuck it through though and looks are deceiving

4 born 6 years later and I am still not a leaving.

I open up and I showed you my bad side,

You don’t know who I am, you are still tied,

I now look a mess and been through the ringer,

This love I am stuck in is like a right winger,

I am in a valley and please hurry I am in no dilly dally,

I know not all is clear my dear, at times you fear,

I will always fight I am not going back to the rear,

Some say I am done; I look in bad shape and I appear lazy

Some say I is an idiot that my love is too crazy,

Yes I work in strange ways and yes more often I should take a bath,

But I promise you my love will have the last laugh,

So we are still here and now

And been through some problematic plough

You now know the worst of me,

But guess what you only explored the root of this apple tree,

I will give you everything you want as votive,

I thought I knew impatient, help me help us move forward and tell me your motive

Seriously though and no joke YO for god sake don’t add no more to this list

The person writing it down has a pain in his wrist.

I love you.