GCSE English language controlled assessment UPDATE. I had a change of heart.

I decided to change the conflict poem

I had to write a monologue for a character from one of the conflict group of poems.  I originally chose Belfast Confetti. After some thought I decided that writing a monologue about confusion was too difficult with no back story without it being confusing.

My choice of poem was Poppies by Jane weir which you can listen to here.

I completed the assessment yesterday and left feeling happy that I demonstrated all that was asked. Below is the rough idea I wrote out the night before. I hope you enjoy.

I sit here in your favourite leather chair. I thought what a great moment to write you a letter. I have been up all night. I can't sleep. I have just gotten out of the shower. I love having a shower more than ever now. I noticed you left your lemon vigor shower gel and knew you wouldn't mind me borrowing some. It contains grit lemon flakes that help exfoliate the skin, how nice; I can’t believe you have hid it from me all this time. I feel so refreshed after using it. I find myself basking in the smell of lemon zeal during the morning walk to work. The breeze taste fresh and it is as if the fragrance from the shower gel protects me from all the dirty smells in the street. You'll have to show me where you buy it so i can get myself some as well as replace yours. 

The house feels so empty without you. I am surrounded by all these memories of you dotted over the walls; I love that one of us together at your Pass Out Parade, Mummy’s handsome soldier.

Pam and Angela keep asking after you at work. I tell them you are fine. I do know you are fine. It has been four days since the news mentioned that six soldiers from your brigade were K.I.A by an isolated explosion. They still haven't released any names, they wont do this until all the next of kin have been informed.  They shouldn't release any information at all until then if you ask me.

Cousin David said you are probably very busy doing hero stuff. You better not be thinking you have anything to prove; not to anyone! Do you hear me? You're already my hero, so you just focus on keeping safe Mr. I phoned the barracks and they told me that they can not release any information just of yet. They said that all the next of kin will be informed by 1100hrs today. I just feel for those poor parents that do end up getting the bad news. I know you are absolutely fine otherwise there would be no need for this letter I am writing you. . So you have to be fine; you have no choice about that, sorry.

Not long now my little soldier and you will be safely home. I will put some of those sweets that nan keeps in her sweet jar that you always pinch and send them out to you. I know you love them. I post some other goodies as well as those magazines you and your friends enjoy. I miss you so much, we all do. Everyone is going to be there when you arrive back home. Everyone. I am going to cut this letter short as there is someone at the door. Take care son.

Stay safe. love you so much.

Love mum. xxxx

GCSE English language controlled assessment. My idea that I have 2 weeks to work on.

Ok since writing this, I have shown it to my tutor. I have to have a word count of 1200 with BOTH pieces. I thought that 1200 was a little stretched for just a monologue. I already have around 750 from the "what would I get rid of to improve life in the C21st?"

So least I can cut out the filler a little, also it seems that hardly any of my class connected with my monologue and found their focus got bored about half way through. I guess when I was writing this, I was writing in the moment of someone in their darkest hour. So I need to definitely rethink my structure. It's difficult to write a piece to do with confusion and feeling lost and for it not to be confusing.  I am still learning how to express emotion correctly, it is very hard with no back story. All in good time. The original is still there to listen to and I will have a shortened more tightly knitted piece by Tuesday.

Our tutor marked the first assignment and I scored band 4. Very pleased considering I rely on a computer so much. Also when writing out the "what would I get rid of in the C21st? " in my actual assessment, some new ideas came to me. I asked my tutor and I will get it back soon so that I can apply it to the piece I have on here. I look forward to it.


Listen to my monologue here

GCSE English controlled assessment.

Creative writing Re-creations. Taking a text and turning it into another.

I have to write a monologue for a character from one of the conflict group of poems.

I have up to 2 hours during the lesson on Wednesday 11th December to write a monologue with a suggested word count of 1200 words.

So I have decided to choose Belfast confetti which you can listen to here.

I felt that this poem to me represented confusion and felt that I could really work with this idea.

So basically we had to listen to the poem and build a character in our mind and then create a monologue for this character.

we had to consider:

• who was this character talking to?
• where are they?
• how will you create a sense of his/her voice?
• what are they wearing, what do they look like, how old are they?
• why are they telling their story? Do they want the readers help, forgiveness understanding...?
• what are their hopes and fears?
• time and tense?

The main point was that the tutor said that we had to insure that the monologue still linked to the original poem. So below is the foundation of my idea that I now have until the 11th to improve. I added the tune from our tune just add effect. :)

I know

Listen, I Know. I do not have to long, right? So get comfortable and I will do my best to help. I know that feeling; I mean you are here now, right?

Life’s become difficult, you feel like you’re not in control; outside factors questioning your faith, your faith in the system, your faith in humanity as a whole – faith huh – do I go on? Then there’s this feeling you have, a feeling that you can’t quite place your finger on.

You’re still not convinced?

You've become increasingly aware of the trouble on your doorstep, you see that people are afraid and stay in their homes more than ever and yes, I know. I know you are determined alright! You go about your day refusing to let any outside source have effect on you. Inside, you think – why me? Why is this all going on now? What’s the point?

Any free time you have, you find your self marvelling at that innocent, ignorant, bubble you once possessed and how it slowly vaporized to point where the only peace you have, is to dive deeper hoping that… There, right there, hope… Hope huh?

… all this digging… deeper and deeper… darker and darker… and at what cost?

You try to investigate both sides of the situation. Yes I know you are trying and here it is again, all this, just leaves you even more confused.  Again, there’s that feeling asking to be alive again, crying out for your attention again, all whilst so many thoughts weighing you down demanding to be considered.  

 You want to talk so bad – God you want to talk! But to who? No one could possibly relate to what you feel – that I am certain of, on the outside, you are considerate enough to not burst any ones bubble and on the inside you are screaming for them to wake up! Jesus JUST WAKE UP!

Awake – what is that? You’re awake right now right?

So what’s next?

Again, there’s that feeling again, god there you are again?

Just like an addiction, a psychological war of everything you believe in, all demanding more from you – and it’s not fair.  I’m sorry.

I have your attention now, don’t I?

So what’s next? You’re grateful enough to not complain, good on you. It all just comes back to that feeling and all this confusion. If only you can find away to correctly express it all, just so someone can relate, some direction – do you cry? Do you get angry? Do you celebrate? Is this even about you? You’re present, right? Who else could it be about?

Maybe it’s the mind playing tricks, and this is as close as you can be to the truth?

To make things worse, this feeling gets worse, the more you try to go about your normal day. The harder you try to ignore it, the more you feel you’re soul crying in pain.

You ask where is this going? I just want to know.

So yes, I too had that feeling, that same look you have now, that same confusion in your heart, that same confusion that prays to be answered and that same logic that questions everything.

I told myself similar stories too, sure in my time there were many riots in Ireland, everyone lived in fear and the world from where I was standing looked sure to end, but I am still here, but this is all an illusion, right? Not in your world, no, in your world you’re in control right? You’re no ones puppet, sure our heart is bigger enough to comprehend the truth and see into every human and know that deep down all anyone wants is peace – freedom. No one wanted this!

I too told myself, if I stay positive and do what I have been taught to believe then I can become successful and make a difference – change the world. I would often dream of the changes I would make to bring peace once successful.

The thing is that plan evolves ignoring that feeling, so yes I admit; I placed that feeling on the shelf, whilst everyone else was talking about the riots starting up in Odessa - I was studying and whilst everyone was worrying – I was affirming to them not to get sucked into that political propaganda. The most of the time I felt I was doing good, but every now and then…yep that feeling right there, right now just has to make its presence known.

Slowly overtime I got disappointed things were not changing quicker enough. In my soul I guess I was feeling angry at the cards I had been dealt and that I had all the answer if only I had this… or if I only had that... Oh yer, we’re in the same boat all right! I just wanted to scream.

Then that day I did, I screamed out with rage! The tiniest thing set it off. I think it was something on the radio reminding everyone of the daily misery breaking out on the streets of Ireland. At the same time, just making people feel worse than they already did, how frustrating, you can’t even get mad at the messenger, right?

Inside I remember an intense fire in the core of my being, the blood bubbling in my veins, on the outside unknown to me, the riots were closing in. I was walking along Valley Street, totally oblivious to the fact that, just around the corner the riots were already in full play. As I reached height of rage deep in my heart, I reached the corner then… (Loud noise) my whole life changed, my perception, everything. It was if that feeling had given up trying to get my attention inside and had no alternative. The only thought I had left was a ringing in my ear, probably from the bomb blast. I immediately filled with fear, I remember looking around trying to find something to escape the hell that was presented – scanning to just look at an innocent face of a child playing or to see an old couple holding hands on the street; instead I was faced with… I just want to get home. It was as if the confusion inside of me was now on the outside of me. What is my name? Where am I coming from? Where am I going? For the first time what I wanted and needed were aligned and up until now, I had them the whole time. I needed to reunite, find home and appreciate what I once already had.

So yes I think I might have a slight idea of the pain and confusion you have right now. I tell you now from the bottom of my heart, don’t put that feeling on the shelf, make peace with it and forgive what has happened – let it go. Step down from that tower you are currently in and do what you are suppose to be doing! That feeling right there is something very special, hold onto it, embrace it and just remember just how special you are, I know this because you are here now and I thank you.